Sanctuary
Sometimes the artist has to take a backseat, especially when the world is on fire around him. I've been juggling so many things. With the school year ending, I am finally home in this wonderful quiet solitude. No voices. Just my thoughts.
A Prothonotary Warbler graces us with its presence near a small pond in Tucson
Sometimes I believe I need a clone to help me run my life and all the things that I do. In those few precious moments between crazy, I make time to see a bird. It can be the feeders outside my classroom or a quick stop on the way down to Mexico. Or stop inside my garden to look at the White-winged Dove nesting in my Texas Ebony tree. Or watching the Broad-billed Hummingbirds grow up so quickly from their tiny little nest in my bamboo. These are all things that help me maintain my mental balance.
Happiness is melting into your surroundings in silence
On the last day of school, I wanted to just curl up and sleep forever in my bed. I had no more energy to give. But I forced myself to go to work and close off this academic year. It has been a beautiful year at the school with my 7th and 8th graders. My program is finally established. While the district is falling apart around our center schools, my program has taken off and will hopefully continue these last years of my career. No one can do what I do. I'm not bragging. It certainly has cut into my birding time and personal life. I do it for the students. They give back great amounts of positive energy and continually surprise me on what they are capable of at the middle school. It pushes me to do more. But I have lost many of my dear colleagues in Modern Languages over the years from retirement, getting cut because there is no more interest in the program or just burned out from teaching and it has taken a personal toll on me. They were wonderful people. I have a 6th sense about many things and I felt the need to move 3 years ago to a better school to protect my art and myself from what is happening to many many others. I made the correct decision, but it is still sad to watch my decades long collaborations disappear. 26 years with the district and maybe the last to remain after working with so many others. I am stronger as a power of one now. I tried to show others how to keep the art in teaching to maintain interest but teaching is definitely unique to the person running their classroom. It can't be taught. You either have it or don't. I could read a million books on how to be a better 6th grade teacher but I'd fail every single time because I'm not a primary school teacher.
I watch birders come and go. I navigate those waters as well. Every year new birders appear while others pass away or just...disappear. My friend Celeste is the quiet soul that helped rescue me a few nights ago as we went to Willcox to see a rare Hudsonian Godwit. It was after work and I was exhausted. We saw the beautiful bird and we sat in those chairs at sunset in the quiet. I let me guard down and the stress literally escaped my body. I had severe chills and felt super sick and weak. And for the first time, I fell asleep while watching the sunset over Lake Cochise as the nighthawks zipped around us.
During the 8th grade promotion, over a thousand people showed up and while the ceremony was going on, I watched Harris's Hawks on our campus squawk loudly for food. At one point, I laughed because one of the hawks growled at the other. Every kid knows I love birds and one of them asked quietly after hearing that growl if we were going to be okay. Never mess with a Harris's Hawk food. Later, a colleague and myself got to see what all the fuss was about.....one of the hawks wasn't sharing their Rock Squirrel lunch with everyone:) My interpretation was, "Hurry your ass up and eat what you need to so that I can have a bite!" Harris's Hawks hunt together and feed together. At my school, we are lucky to be surrounded by these beautiful birds all year long.
Sometimes it's the "little" things like these night blooming cereus from my garden that give me that little boost. On that particular day, I was a line leader for the 8th grade promotion, still teaching the 7th graders and ending my day with the 6th graders. That last grade is a tough one. A bunch of 6th grade teachers sent kids to my class to help me clean my bird feeders and the feeding/study areas up. I also had them pick up trash around the campus for Mexican candy. They'll do anything for Mexican candy.
During lunch, we are introduced to a young Sonoran Gopher Snake who was in the gardens. It was really exciting to see this beauty. The science teachers have a packrat problem in their area and like any good snake, you go where the food is.
The United States is exhausting and expensive. It shouldn't be so difficult to make ends meet these days. I have watched a lot of people go through some difficult times here. I hate MAGA and I hate that idiot and his administration in office. And I've divorced myself from talking with anyone who would support that pedophile grifting criminal. When I leave for Sonora, Mexico every week, I find the happiness with my other half in our little home in a poor neighborhood and find myself free from the US. Nogales is so alive with strange and different people living and laughing on the streets. Yes, there's poverty, but there's also happiness. It's not for everyone but my time in the Peace Corps has prepared me for this moment in my life. I am forever grateful to find happiness again in the simple things. Mexican breakfast, road trips to birding places Americans will never go, our street cats that now live inside our home, pan dulce and coffee on Saturday nights and shopping at the Mexican Wal-mart. There are so many things. I stay in the US because I have to right now. It's for my school, for me, for my program, for the boss and to prepare for retirement. At some point, I will give it all up to be that weird gringo who wanted to be a Mexican his whole life. It's not diplomas or awards that make a person. I found myself at 17 years old in love with a country I could never be a part of. But today, I'm with someone I love and it's where my heart has always been. I feel at peace. Connected. My greatest fear is losing that peace of mind and happiness. My greatest fear is just being ordinary ignoring everything that has made me...me. And dying without truly ever having lived my life. No regrets. And no more toxic relationships. When I turned 50 a few years back, there was a switch inside me that turned on and said, I'm done with the bullshit. I have learned that there are no limitations in this life. Just what you allow others to place on you, allowing their fear of the unknown to hold you back.
During a quiet sunset at Sweetwater Wetlands, I watch this rare Prothonotary Warbler zip around the branches grabbing food before the next big flight. I think of several things in my solitude watching this bird. How did this bird end up here? Will the bird get to where it needs to be? The journey is perilous! While I was watching the warbler hang over the water, a cormorant nearly ate the bird. It was something out of Jurassic Park! A snake head slid out of the water towards the warbler with a quick jab! The plump little lemon drop avoided the big gulp! And that was just one moment. Migration is a dangerous time for birds. To watch the Prothonotary Warbler dance about the water was a thrill. It's hard not to anthropomorphize (apply human traits to non-human entities, etc) but I couldn't help think about my own situation. Life is risky but there are no gains if we don't try. Nothing lasts forever. Change can be good for the soul.
We head for Hermosillo next week. I meet for an important dinner tonight with several Americans planning on leaving the US, like myself. In a few weeks, me and my better half will be heading to Baja for an escape. Birding will happen as well, but it won't be all day like before. I want to swim now. I want to sit and laugh with a michelada just enjoying the moments that life offers.
White-faced Ibis
As I am reminded daily now, nothing lasts forever. As Jack Nicholson said to Shirley McClaine from the movie, "Terms of Endearment", "There aren't that many shopping days left until Christmas." My greatest fear is not enjoying the time left.
Final thoughts about birding in and around Tucson this time of year. You don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to bird. The best birding happens early morning and an hour before sunset. Photos are stunning around sunset. I bird May and June generally in the late afternoon. You'll get more species in the morning, but the evenings are pretty great as well. Just DO NOT bird in the middle of the day. It's really not productive at all. We'll be exploring our birdathon events next and our results. Then you'll get to take some treks with us in the beautiful state of Sonora and Baja California del Sur! Until next time.
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