A Step Back

 

                                                               The Pronghorn of Sonoita
Back in June, a file cabinet fell with me onto the floor causing me to pull a muscle in my neck. It has taken months for the pain to dull.  As most of us know, we need our neck and shoulders to carry things while doing our wildlife walks/tours. Health is everything and it's not to be taken lightly.   

In June, I thought, "It'll go away in a week or so."  Then it didn't.  But by that time I left for New Zealand where the pain dulled due to the cooler temps. (I think)  We did a lot of hiking with my heavy camera and my neck would protest accordingly. I came back and lead back-to-back tours the months of August/September while starting my new job at a middle school. With the extreme heat and anxiety of it all, everything started to mount into a type of burnout phase. I clearly needed to take a step back from guiding/birding and let my body and mind heal. Not to mention, I packed on the pounds last year going through a much needed job transition.  After 20+ years, I knew it was time to go.  And I did so understanding it would be a lot of work starting all over again. And I wouldn't change a thing. 

We walk along the road of the grasslands near Sonoita for Cassin's Sparrows

I got lost in the birding chases with friends and visitors from all over the world helping them find some epic Arizona birds. I love playing detective. The monsoon is incredibly beautiful but the heat and humidity were too much for me. I had to slow down. I was ignoring the pain in my shoulder instead of going to the doctor.  I just didn't have the time. A very bad excuse. So at the end of September and most of October, I made the resolve to clear my schedule and heal. Even on this current day, I don't have the energy to go birding with people after a full week with middle school kids. For the first time in my life, I feel that the weekends are MINE now.  I am exhausted on Friday. On Saturday, I'm not getting out of bed for any bird.  In short, stop having children.  Just adopt teenagers.  Sure they are sneaky at that age and spend all of your money but weren't you sneaky at that age spending your parent's money?  Middle school kids steal your soul. :)

           With Vicky from the east coast and her friend Geoffrey from Ireland as we find Gilded Flickers

Some of the best times to come to Arizona for birding are also the worst times to come to Arizona.  There is an incredible variety of birds that pass through our state, with some birds only found here(the endemics).  So April/May and August/September are generally the months when birders come in droves to the state.  Bird guides take off in June because it's just too hot and they need a vacation.  Arizona birders who have been doing this awhile, like myself, travel to other cooler countries. 

                           Vicky spots a rainbow along with Gila Woodpeckers and Gilded Flickers

In August and September, I tried to find as many shady and cooler places as I could to keep from heat exhaustion.  This year has been TERRIBLE for heat.  We broke so many records.  Only now in October are we experiencing beautiful temps again since May!

                                                                       Lucifer Hummingbird

But you can't deny the beauty of hummingbirds. This is an easy day guiding for me. We hit all the hummingbird hotspots around the Huachuca mountains as everyone gets their lifers.  I watch them get excited in the shade.  This year, every rarity plus our regular species, showed up in great numbers. I had a blast with some friends from Wisconsin while they observed their lifer hummers.  

                                                                   Rufous Hummingbird

The humidity and heat killed me but I was happy for my friends.  To bird in the desert during the summer, you have to get there at sunrise before it gets too hot.  Two friends needed the Gilded Flicker for their life list.  And we got it at around 5 AM.  Then we chased canyon woodpeckers in the slightly cooler riparian areas. 

                                                      The San Pedro House and Riparian Area

After everyone left and things calmed down, I hid inside our home in the air conditioning watching the birds around my feeders.  Over the years, I have watched birders get older and complain about the neck pains that begin after they hit their 50's.  I knew it was coming. So now, I have to order something that goes around the shoulders instead of the neck to take the stress off that area. 

                                                                       Black-tailed Prairie Dog

As I make these changes, things should get back to normal again. My camera is heavy on my shoulder so I have been using my cell phone for most pictures of late letting it heal. 

                                                      Sulfur-bellied Flycatcher(juvenile)

I suppose this is a taste for what is to come. I have to take things slow. OR ask for help when needed.  During the summer here in AZ it's a real workout. Have you ever thought about how many things we carry on our bodies while out birding?  I have the watch to monitor heart rate and track walking distances, binoculars, cell phone, keys, a camera, a backpack with a lot of water, a cap, sunglasses and my readers. And often I bring a cooler full of more water and lunch in case the car breaks down. In short, there's a lot of prep work that goes into a day out searching for wildlife in the heat of the summer. 

There is nothing quite as stunning as a sunset in Arizona during monsoon.  Or whenever. I watched these guys fall in love with our monsoon skies at sunset. Then we hit Triple T truck stop for a later dinner.  What a perfect way to end the day!

Rain hits areas sporadically in the 100+ temps and the wildlife finds the areas where the water pools.

                                                                          Red-tailed Hawk

During our festival, I guide a day with people at the grasslands to help them ID some tough sparrows.  Another day, I lead people into one of our riparian areas around southeastern Arizona.  This year it was Patagonia State Park.  The birds were phenomenal as were the people.  We hiked about 4 miles on the Birding Trail and had amazing views of some specialty birds like the Yellow-billed Cuckoo, Northern Beardless Tyrannulet and Thick-billed Kingbird. 

                       We survey the lake at Patagonia State Park before entering the Birding Trail

I never worry about finding the birds.  I hear them.  Last year I lost my hearing because of my old job. People lied and the black mold spread everywhere inside our school. They said it was okay.  Meanwhile kids and staff were getting sick. It even made the news. It was the first sign that it was time to leave.  During that festival, I couldn't hear anything and felt "less" because I lost my superpowers and became super frustrated with the incompetence at my school site.  So I utilized the participants to help me get on the birds and told them what to look for. This year, I was reminded that I made the right decision.  I miss some of my co-workers, but most of us left together anyway. I miss how we'd casually walk into each other's classes and chat with the kids as education went on. That's how familiar we were as a work family. It was a special bond.  As I walked down that trail, I was reminded that it was time to get my life back in order. This year, I could hear again and help people find their birds again. It was going to be okay. 

                                                                     Plain-capped Starthroat

And while the new job has taken much of my energy, I am glad I am there.  I have one co-worker whom I adore and am so thankful for.  It's lonely starting over after working for 23 years at a place. I was an established and respected person in the community. Now I am no one, starting all over again having to retrain parents and even some teachers that my Spanish courses are not a joke. Some believe that it's just an elective class and is somehow less important than the other REAL courses. They will learn. BUT I am grateful that I work at a place where the teachers are professional and are REAL teachers.  Not some hired hacks who are not certified who can barely make it through a year of teaching. That made our jobs so much more difficult last year on top of all the other stuff that was happening.  The teacher crisis is real and getting worse. I retire in the next 3 years when I hope to be a bird guide or park ranger. Teaching is not the same job I knew in the 90's. I listen to my co-worker's conversations now. Most are raising young kids or have kids in college.  My old co-workers have been there and done that and we are asking ourselves now, "What is next in our lives?" I smile watching everyone go through their phases. In the back of my mind, I think of my brother from Mexico who passed away at 54.  I am 51. His death put everything into perspective for me. We get so lost in the mundane that we forget how to live and enjoy the every day life because we've forgotten how to do it.  I'd argue that kids are the most free spirits out there.  Somehow we lose that spark with the decisions we make in our lives as we move into adulthood.  OR we have to shelf our passions until retirement. Sometimes we forget those passions because they are covered in dust. When I bird with retired people, I KNOW that they found their way back into exploring the world. In fact, they are like my mentors for this next big chapter. And I wish that for everyone in our last great chapter of life....to find that inner child/artist again and to live our best lives to the fullest. 

                                                       Nesting Violet-crowned Hummingbird

I have my answers.  I know what I will do.  In fact, the old co-workers know what they will do as we move forward from the public sector.  Some are grandparents now.  Most of us enjoy having breakfast together or have happy hour at someone's house. We have lost people along the way these past years and understand that there's more to life than just our jobs (and kids). While it was great taking a break from AZ hot summer birding, it was also great becoming a human again by attending concerts and spending time with friends who aren't necessarily birders. 

                                Friends living their best lives and me getting mole on my white shirt!

Today I am feeling better and exercising every day.  I'm also attending physical therapy. I have currently lost 20 pounds.  20 more to go. And along the way, I am grateful for my friends near and far as I get back into my birding life while adjusting to this new job. A new bird is always just waiting to be found to reignite that passion I have for birds. And to explore like I did as a kid growing up in my small town.  What's out there?  My curiosity grows with every year I get older.